For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. Many people don’t quite know how to talk about a suicide attempt, which can cause them to avoid discussing it altogether, says Jenna Hennessy, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and instructor of medical psychology (in psychiatry) at Columbia University Irving Medical Center. “Unfortunately, suicide is still a stigmatized topic and it can, understandably, bring up a lot of emotions.” However, rather than ignoring it, Dr. Hennessy explains that it’s important to gently lean into your discomfort and discuss the suicide attempt with your loved one. “We may not be able to solve someone’s problems for them or take away their distress, but we can provide an ear and a space free from judgment for our loved one to tell us what they are going through." This article discusses what you should and shouldn’t say to someone who has attempted suicide and suggests some ways to support your loved one at this time.
What to Say to Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide
Below, Dr. Hennessy shares some things that you should say to someone who has attempted suicide, to show your support.
“I’m so glad you’re here”
“I know I can’t fix this for you, but I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to talk.”
“Have you been thinking about attempting it again? If so, how?”
What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide
Below, Dr. Hennessy lists some things you shouldn’t say to someone who has attempted suicide. However, one of the most helpful things we can do is be a source of support while the person finds their own path forward. If your loved one is contemplating another attempt, it is imperative that you find out what their plan is and how to mitigate risk factors. This can involve removing means from their home, and working with them to create a safety plan (i.e., what to do/who to contact when feeling suicidal), and calling emergency services if you think their life is in danger.
“I need to know why you did this.”
“How could you do this to me/us?”
“How could you have been so selfish?”
“You should have just come to me for help.”
“You just need some rest and to get out of the house, then you should be back to normal!”
“This was a failed/unsuccessful attempt.”
How to Support Someone Who Has Attempted Suicide
Dr. Hennessy suggests some ways you can support a loved one who has attempted suicide: Nevertheless, it is not helpful to ask questions that cause them to experience feelings of guilt or shame, as these emotions can isolate them further, which is the opposite of what we want to do to someone following a suicide attempt. It is certainly important for you to get your own help and support following a loved one’s suicide attempt, in order to ensure you have a safe space to process your own emotional reactions. However, when you are talking to the individual who attempted suicide, you need to put that anger aside for a moment and help them feel supported and loved, instead of ashamed and guilty.
Acknowledge the suicide attempt: It’s important to acknowledge what happened and provide a non-judgmental space for the person to share their feelings while they find their own ways of healing. Offer your support: Show up for them by providing emotional support, validation, and a shoulder to lean on when needed. This can take the form of whatever feels appropriate for you and your relationship with the person. Don’t make it about you: Talking about a suicide attempt may feel overwhelming and scary, or bring up other emotions like guilt and anger. These emotions are perfectly natural and valid. However, it’s important for you to find the time and space for to process these emotions separately instead of letting them be a deterrent from connecting with your loved one, acknowledging the suicide attempt, or offering your support. Find ways to connect them to a treatment team: This type of logistical functioning may feel inaccessible to someone who has just attempted suicide. It can be helpful to do the background research and find providers who are available to help them. A treatment team can look different for everyone but can include individuals such as counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, community resources, support groups, skill groups, and religious or spiritual leaders. Ideally, we want to remind people that they are not alone and that there are people out there who know what they’re experiencing and can help. Create a safety plan with them: Help them identify their possible triggers for suicidal ideation and/or action urges, as well as what to do when those triggers come up. This can also include removing means (such as pills, guns, sharp objects, etc.) from their home for the time being until they are in treatment and fully committed to safety. Know your role and your limitations: If you are not a trained mental health professional, it is not your responsibility to take on that role. One of the best things you can do is realize where you may be out of depth in helping your loved one and connect them to someone with expertise in this area.
A Word From Verywell
It’s extremely important to support a loved one who has attempted suicide in order to make them feel safe and loved and help prevent any future attempts. Showing them you’re happy they’re alive and listening to them without judgment are a few ways to show your support. Helping them find treatment resources, creating a safety plan together, and removing means from their home can help save their life.
