For example, when someone positively comments on something about you, your tendency might be to dismiss and downplay the compliment. For instance, when a coworker tells you that you did a good job on a project, you might respond by saying something like, “Well, anyone could have done what I did.” You might think you’re being humble, or perhaps you genuinely don’t feel that you deserve the praise. When you negatively respond to compliments, it implies that you don’t value your work, your appearance, your home—or whatever it is that you have been complimented on. Over time, this negativity will erode your confidence.
How to Respond to Compliments
There are four steps to properly receiving and responding to a compliment.
Example Scenario
Sarah is preparing to attend a holiday party at her new office. She goes to the hair salon and is convinced to try a new style. She loves the result and is feeling pretty good about how she looks, though she’s still anxious about the party.
However, when she arrives at the function, a coworker greets her and immediately says, “I love your new hairstyle!” Embarrassed by the attention, Sarah hesitates.
After an awkward pause, she replies, “You think so? I am not sure if I will keep it this way…”
Scenarios like Sarah’s can be common for people with SAD. Here’s an example of how she could have gracefully accepted her coworker’s compliment and given her self-esteem a boost.
“Thank you, I just had it done! I really like the style too. And I really appreciate the compliment coming from you—your hair always looks amazing!”
Compliments can also be great ways to start conversations. If someone offers you a compliment, it’s often a sign that they would like to get to know you better and would be receptive to conversation openers.
To keep the conversation with her coworker going, Sarah could have added:
“I went to the new hair salon downtown. What salon do you go to?”
Compliments and Social Anxiety Disorder
If social anxiety is getting in the way of giving or receiving compliments, a mental health professional can help you determine if underlying anxiety is preventing you from participating in these valuable social exchanges.
