Strong family relationships also provide comfort, guidance, and strength that you can draw on in times of stress. Likewise, they provide a sense of belonging and unconditional love you are not likely to find anywhere else. But when these relationships are unhealthy or stress-filled, they can feel exhausting and emotionally draining. A highly-conflicted or toxic family relationship can cause a lot of damage. Not only do these unhealthy relationships deprive you of support, but they also can create additional stress, conflict, and even health issues.
Help individuals cope with stressImprove self-esteemIncrease well-beingEncourage people to engage in healthy behaviorsProvide social supportCreate a foundation for healthy, trusting relationships with othersAllows people to feel secure and lovedEncourage the development of values and personal responsibility
What Makes a Family Healthy
Generally, people depend on their families in times of crisis for emotional and practical support. Sometimes they even depend on them for support when they’re experiencing a financial crisis. The family is a constant in a person’s life. Families also carry your history and share your future. Who better than siblings, parents, and other close relatives to reminisce with about your childhood? According to researchers, strong families all have six qualities in common. These qualities include appreciation/affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, strong coping skills, and spiritual well-being. Here’s a closer look at each.
Appreciation and Affection
Healthy families help one another when they need it. They also keep their promises, support one another, and show affection when they are together. A warm embrace, a squeeze of the hand, or a pat on the back all are gestures that speak love and support to one another.
Commitment
Healthy families are loyal, supportive, and committed. They find it easy to trust one another with the details of their lives. They also share responsibilities and make decisions together and are there for you when you need them. No one has your back like your family.
Positive Communication
Healthy families often share regular meals together and enjoy talking about their lives and their experiences. What’s more, criticisms, putdowns, name-calling, and other types of emotional abuse are rare.
Time Together
Typically, healthy families have fun when they are together, smiling and laughing often. Whether their time is planned or spontaneous, strong families enjoy being around one another. They also share one another’s interests and passions.
Strong Coping Skills
Resilience is a hallmark of healthy families. While dealing with a challenge or a crisis is never easy, healthy families encourage one another to remain strong and hopeful. They often look for the good in a bad situation and accept the things they cannot change. Going through a crisis together makes their bonds even stronger.
Spiritual Well-Being
Healthy families usually have positive outlooks on life. They also are filled with thankfulness and gratitude. Typically, these families share common values and may even share the same spiritual or religious beliefs.
Coping With Common Family Issues
Unfortunately, family relationships are so complex, they’re not always easy to navigate. In fact, dealing with difficult family members is downright hard. And even though it may be better for your stress level and your health to eliminate strained relationships from your life, it’s not always that simple when difficult people are related to you. To keep conflict at bay and reduce stress, check out these tips on dealing with common family issues.
Focus on Healthy Communication
Conflict is virtually inevitable in any relationship, but there are healthy ways of dealing with it. For instance, if you know that you and your family member disagree over religion or politics, try to stick to more neutral topics. Likewise, if your family member has some negative traits that really rub you the wrong way, focus on the positives instead. And, if the conversation is spiraling out of control, know when to take a timeout. With a little hard work, you may be able to have a respectful conversation with your family members, even when you don’t see eye to eye.
Be Authentic
When people get together with their families of origin, it is not uncommon to revert to old behavior patterns. But if you’ve grown beyond these old roles and they no longer reflect who you are, don’t be afraid to be who you are now. It may take some hard work to stay true to yourself, but in the end, you will be glad you did. When family members mention how much you have changed or tell you they miss the old you, don’t feel obligated to be that person again, especially if you changed for a reason. For instance, if you were once a heavy drinker and the life of the party, it might be hard for family members to adjust to seeing you without a drink in your hand. But they will get used to it.
Address Family Prejudices
Typically, prejudices arise from a misguided or learned belief that certain groups of people need to be treated differently or with less respect and consideration. Some common prejudices involve race, ethnicity, religion, gender, and sexual orientation. When you witness prejudice in family members, it’s important to tactfully address it right away. Sometimes family members don’t realize that what they are doing or saying is marginalizing and insulting. If they are unwilling to be respectful, you may need to establish some boundaries with them. Being family doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you, a significant other, or anyone else.
Deal With Family Drama
Sometimes families are filled with gossiping, backstabbing, and other types of relational drama. When this happens, it is best to shut it down or stay out of it altogether. Nothing good comes from throwing shade, talking behind people’s backs, and pitting people against one another. Even if you don’t participate in the drama, just listening to the mean words communicates that you might condone it. Instead, try redirecting the conversation or walking away. You also can be more direct and indicate that you are not comfortable with the conversation.
Address Adult Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy
Sibling relationships are complex, but even more so if sibling rivalry or jealousy exists. In fact, adult sibling rivalry can cause strained relationships, where siblings argue and struggle to get along. If you feel your relationship with your family is strained because your parents favor another sibling, you may be surprised to find that you’re not alone. Try not to take perceived favoritism personally or allow it to impact your relationship with the family. While it may appear your parent is closer to your sibling, this does not mean that it is true or that your parent loves that sibling more than you. And whatever you do, do not perpetuate these feelings by competing with your sibling.
How to Get Help
Dysfunctional families can take a toll on individual health, but there are steps you can take to address serious problems in the family unit. Family therapy is a type of treatment that focuses on mending relationships, improving communication, and helping each family member understand their place and impact on the rest of the family. There are also specific types of family therapy, such as:
Family systems therapy Functional family therapy Narrative family therapy Psychoeducation Strategic family therapy Supportive family therapy
In many cases, therapists may draw on various techniques and traditions to address a family’s specific needs. If you think your family would benefit from therapy, talk to your doctor for a referral.
A Word From Verywell
While you cannot control the types of relationships you have with your family members, you can create greater harmony in your relationships. Work toward strengthening and improving your family relationships. Be open, honest, and empathetic, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries with toxic or abusive family members. You are not required to endure abuse just because you’re related.
