But sometimes one or both partners are confused or offended by the suggestion that they should have counseling for relationship problems, feeling they have weathered the storm, and that the addiction should be the focus of therapeutic attention. This article discusses five important ways that counseling for relationship problems can pave the road to recovery from an addiction and a better relationship. You can also explore if you are enabling your loved one’s addiction.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
While addressing the addiction is critical, couples counseling can also help you and your partner overcome other issues that may have arisen as a result of the addiction. Addiction can create many problems in a relationship, including the breakdown of trust, intimacy, and communication. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, addiction can cause serious damage to a relationship and these issues need to be treated, too. Not only can therapy strengthen the relationship but making the relationship better can also help improve the success of addiction treatment. People are more likely to maintain their sobriety if they have strong, healthy, supportive relationships, and couples counseling can help people achieve that. Lois co-founded Al-Anon family groups in recognition of the fact that she, along with other wives of the early Alcoholics Anonymous members, was struggling with relationship problems with Bill, both during his addiction and his years of recovery. Relationship problems are often pushed aside when the couple focuses exclusively on addiction. Although support groups can help, counseling for relationship problems helps partners uncover new sources of support and coaches couples in becoming more mutually supportive. Enabling behaviors are things that a partner does that allow the addiction to continue, often without meaning to, such as covering up, cleaning up messes, lending money, and taking care of the other person’s responsibilities. Counseling for relationship problems can help both partners to become aware of these enabling behaviors and can help both partners to break these patterns of enabling. Couples counseling can help couples to work through their emotional issues together in healthy ways, rather than one or both partners attempting to use their addictive behavior to cope, while the other partner is isolated and unsupported. Relationship problems arising directly from the addiction can include:
Financial problemsHealth problemsLegal problems
While the couple may cling to the denial that they have relationship problems, relationship counseling can help them fix the problems that they are willing to face up to. While they may have a hard time acknowledging and admitting to relationship problems, the greatest healing can come from a couple working through their relationship problems together. This includes facing up to patterns of lies and secrecy, acknowledging and healing from current or past affairs, seeking and granting forgiveness, and ending patterns of abuse.
Learning more about addiction: Becoming more informed about the nature, symptoms, and treatments for addiction can help you find ways to address the problem. Once you have a better idea about what you are dealing with, you can seek out resources that can help you and your partner.Stop enabling: After learning more about addiction, you may have a clearer idea about the types of enabling behaviors you might engage in that, while often well-intended, allow your partner to continue in their addiction. While it is hard, stopping these behaviors is essential.Join a support group: Finding outside support is vital, so find a support group in your area or join one online that is specifically meant for the partners and family members of people with addictions.Care for yourself: Make sure that you are practicing good self-care. Getting rest, regular exercise, healthy meals, and social support are essential for your mental well-being as you cope with the stress of your partner’s addiction.Seek help: Encourage your partner to get treatment for their addiction and support their efforts. Set boundaries on what you are willing to accept in your relationship and follow through with consequences.
A Word From Verywell
Couples counseling isn’t just helpful for addressing problems in a marriage; it can also be an important part of a person’s recovery from addiction. If your relationship has been affected by addiction, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for advice and support. By addressing the addiction as well as the relationship problems that emerged as a result, you can get your marriage back on track. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
