It can be hard to understand why someone who has been sexually abused in childhood would engage in an abusive relationship again. This article discusses some of the reasons sexually abused children grow up to have abusive relationships in adulthood. These feelings may become interpreted as feelings of love and passion, and can lead to sexual arousal. They may believe they are attracted to or feel love for their abuser, sometimes even thinking they have a special connection to the abuser. Their experience taps into feelings of intimacy associated with abuse that were imprinted at a very early age. When they are later abused in an intimate relationship, they perceive the familiar feelings of shame and anger as love and passion. Similarly, by becoming an abuser, someone who has been abused can play the role of the more powerful person in the relationship in an attempt to overcome the powerlessness they felt. Unfortunately, this is not effective, and they may repeatedly dominate others in a futile attempt to get over the weakness they experienced. They may have even been convinced by their abuser that they deserved the abuse. This is never true as no one deserves to be mistreated. They may even feel superior to some people, and inferior to others, engaging in abusive relationships at the same time they are being abused by others. This does not mean they want or wanted to be abused or that they genuinely enjoy abuse. Not all survivors of abuse experience this. People who experienced abuse early in life may have formed an avoidance attachment style in childhood. This may cause them to avoid forming close relationships in adulthood, which can lead to behaviors such as pushing others away or responding to attempts at closeness with anger.
A Word From Verywell
The cycle of abuse can cause people who were abused in childhood to either perpetuate abuse in adulthood or become involved in abusive relationships with others. It is important to recognize that there are also many other factors that can increase a person’s risk of becoming abusive or being abused. A history of childhood sexual abuse is one risk factor. Other factors include having a substance use disorder or having another mental health condition. Lack of social support and socioeconomic stress also play a role. If you are concerned that you might engage in abuse, talk to a healthcare provider or therapist. They can refer you to resources that may help, including psychotherapy and support groups. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.
