If you’ve spent any time perusing a dating app, you’ve likely noticed how diverse the dating pool is: some people list everything possible about themselves in their profiles, while others don’t share a single word. Connecting with prospective dates can be shaky. Some people might be great conversationalists and others may leave you to do all the work. If you have wanted to use dating apps but they seem intimidating, knowing how varied others’ behaviors are may make the thought of joining a dating app even more daunting. Whether you’re a pro or a novice at dating apps, you can benefit from knowing proper etiquette. Ahead, we have a list of eight tips that can help you be more successful at finding that special someone(s) more easily. Read on to learn everything you need to know about dating app etiquette. And if you need tips to set up your profile before moving ahead, check out these suggestions first.
Know Identity Terminology
The number of sexual identity terms in play may be overwhelming, but if you want to meet other people, you ought to know them. If you identify as LGBTQIA+ community you may already be familiar with some, or even all, because one or more applies to you. However, even if you’re a cisgender heterosexual person, you’ll still need to understand the identity of someone you’re interested in dating. It isn’t polite to ask someone what their identity means, and it’s a request for emotional labor. You can increase your chances of connection by doing your research first. Both identities and relationship models (such as monogamy or polyamory) are items that many include in their profiles, and in order to know before talking that someone’s identity and relationship style is a match for you, you have to know what it means first. If you’re on a niche app, such as Grindr or Scruff, this is even more important.
If No One Reaches Out, No Dating Happens
One of the oddest parts about dating apps is how common an occurrence matching without talking is. Some people note in their profiles that they won’t message first, whereas others state that it’s on the person who gets the “it’s a match” notification to reach out first. While that could be seen as the most straightforward method, the truth is that many people receive match notifications but don’t speak first. This can be done no matter what gender you are, or what gender your match is; those old-fashioned rules of men speaking first have been obliterated by apps like Bumble, in which the only option is for the woman to initiate messaging.
Ask Questions and Offer Compliments
People like being asked questions because it encourages them to disclose information about themselves and leads to them liking the asker. You can ask simple questions, such as how someone’s day is going or how they are doing, or use the information offered in their profile to find out more. If you’re intrigued by something they wore in a photo, their pet, or something they mention in their bio, ask about it to learn more. You can also offer a compliment. Most people enjoy receiving them but try to be original. Telling someone they’re attractive is nice, but it isn’t personal, as attraction can be assumed based on the fact that the two of you matched.
Be Truthful
It may be difficult to know if someone is lying to you, and that is one reason some people avoid apps. The best that you can do is simply not lie to others. Outside of the fact that you may eventually be found out, it sets a precedent and a foundation that can’t possibly lead to a successful relationship.
Don’t Overshare
Inasmuch as you don’t want to tell people too little about who you are, because knowing about others is how we decide if they’re a fit for our lives, you also don’t need to overshare. Oversharing can be off-putting. Just think about friends or family you’ve seen say too much to their network on social media, and how cringe-y that can feel to see. While it’s definitely good to divulge important life information, be aware of your audience, and of how well you don’t yet know them.
Keep It Clean
This point is super important: be tactful, polite, and G-rated in your initial exchanges. Many apps, including Tinder and OK Cupid, no longer even have photo sending as an option. That’s because so many inappropriate photos were sent. Wait until another person asks for a photo of you before sending one, and even then, don’t send photos of your body parts without them asking for it. A study showed that sexting may not have an impact on psychological well-being. Despite this, it’s important to understand that some people just don’t like sexting or don’t receive any real enjoyment from it. So, make sure to ask first and respect someone’s answer. Regarding your language, while it might be tempting, it’s best to not swear early on in a conversation either.
Be Expressive
According to an article in Time Magazine,conversations that use emojis and gifs last longer than conversations that don’t. Emojis and gifs also increase the likelihood that the person you’re messaging will reply to you. Think of messaging as a conversation, and consider how you talk to your friends. Of course, you don’t want to act in any way that isn’t true to your nature, but you do want to put your best foot forward.
Set a Date
You may notice that some app users put the statement “no pen pals” in their bios. That means that they don’t want to text endlessly with their matches. Once that’s been accomplished, you can very much ask them out. Just like who talks first, this doesn’t need to be initiated by any one of a specific gender. Because everyone has their own timeline of establishing comfort, if you’re worried it’s too soon to go out, you can just be forthright about that. Let your match know you’ve been enjoying talking with them and are feeling comfortable enough, and interested enough, to want to meet in person. Invite them to let you know their feelings, and take it from there.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Time
There are strong opinions in the dating app world about “ghosting,” but as long as you haven’t hit a point where someone is relying on you to respond, such as in the midst of making plans to meet, you are free to leave a conversation at any point if it no longer feels like a match. If you have that concern, you can unmatch them, which will immediately enable them to get the point without the ability to respond.
A Word From Verywell
Dating apps may feel like a jungle, and they can be intimidating, but by taking these tips you’ll have a great chance at having positive interactions. Just remember: As with everything in life, dating goes best when you do it mindfully. The above guidelines will help you keep your head on straight as you navigate the world of dating apps.
